Spending time pointing out others flaws when they arent there to defend themselves is not a positive way to have a conversation. Someone told me that he's been saying some things about me and I was worried about him since that's not like him." Sometimes it makes people feel closer to each other. But we know how gossip makes us feel when we hear it. Whats the Best Way to React to an Insult? Humans are the only species that make art. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Our passion is to serve and bring the best possible positive information, news, expertise and opinions to this page. Also, try to surround yourself with positive people that make you feel good about yourself, which will help you forget about the gossip and rumors. Be sure to get the person alone in a room; this way they won't have to act tough around their friends. Should Couples Really Share Their Sexual Histories? Or how about listening to a co-worker telling you about the affairs (sexual or otherwise) of another colleague? In these studies, when college students were asked to describe others in a negative manner, they consistently experienced decreased self-esteem following the negative evaluation. Ignore the gossip (or change the subject) Gossipers crave attention. Do Narcissists Know They Are Narcissists? If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. And even if they sometimes dothey're just human after allthey try to regulate themselves so that they can avoid turning it into a habit. Gossip is a negative conversation, usually with bad intentions, that is spread by others and it is a source of much hatred in our society. Talk about the skills and abilities of the person who is being gossiped about. For example, some gossipers feel unwanted or uninteresting and may choose to divulge something that can arouse interest. Gossip might even be a type of verbal harassment. Defensiveness, difficulty with trust, and more. Many people gossip for attention or to get a reaction. A predictable and stable self is ideal. How Much Time Do You Want to Spend With Your Partner? It creates the illusion of intimacy between the sharer and the recipient. 5. Since this kind of gossip may be subtle, it's often hard to pinpoint the source. "I am being gossiped about at school because I said happy birthday to a guy that I used to like, and the people that, "This helped me because there is a girl at school who loves to talk about me and my friends to her friends. I told them that I was pleased with my race. Immersion in negative gossip makes sense, though. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". 5 Steps to confronting someone who's gossiping about you: 1- Make sure to confirm the rumors: It can be really tough when you realize that someone is gossiping about you behind your back. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Anything from a new haircut to a new love interest may be grounds for gather-around-the-watercooler conversation. For a while now, I could feel people talking behind my back. Use it to try out great new products and services nationwide without paying full pricewine, food delivery, clothing and more. You might say, Im having trouble with another student/coworker. Very serious, personal, or humiliating rumors and lies can be deeply emotionally disturbing and can ruin professional and romantic relationships, so be sure that this person knows exactly what damage the gossip has done. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. Calling them names will worsen the situation; keep your cool! The courage to confront someone who's talking behind your back, or to break up a gossip-fest among your friends, family, or coworkers, is at first hard (and scary); however, once you flex your zero-tolerance muscles a few times, others will learn you're a gossip-free zone. If they do not stop, ask to speak to their boss or to human resources. Don't give them the consideration of taking it any further. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Your team will no longer take you seriously and will begin participating in the same destructive behavior. 28 September 2021. face and my name and I still don't know what the rumors are. There are effective ways of dealing with gossipers. This will not be easy but it will be beneficial to the health of both your reputation and relationships. They find no satisfaction in talking about people at all. Some people are afraid of confrontation and will not know how to respond if you confront them. Try ignoring any gossip you hear for a short time before taking any other action. These so called "friends" of yours that spread gossip about you behind your back are not really your friends. People talk about other people for all kinds of reasons, from insecurities and depression to conformity and a simple desire for entertainment. Thank you so much. Schools are insular, and teachers' lounges can be hotbeds for gossip. The world is starved for connection, which is precisely what gossippositive or negativedelivers, says Dr. Hallowell. Additionally, a study by Cole and Scrivener (2013) found that gossiping is followed by lower self-esteem. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that causes someone to lose their sense of perception and self-worth. A co-worker may have heard some details about another and passes this news onto one of their friends. Reviewed by Ekua Hagan. OPTION 2: Confront the person who started the gossip. Because of this, Harbinger and I teamed up to offer some advice on how to handle and process these situations: Negativity makes them look bad, not you. If you don't spend time talking about your feelings, you will never rebuild trust. Friendship problems do not need to turn into cutoffs. You might also engage in positive activities to cope and try to change your perspective on gossiping. ". Uncertainty plays a role, too. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. Confront The Gossip Without Accusing Her If anyone asks you about the gossip, stay calm. Good information can achieve this, but nastiness connects us too. He cites hearing of another persons misfortune as an example of the latter. The first step you might take is to confront the speakers calmly and request that they stop discussing your personal details in your shared workplace. Don't give them the consideration of taking it any further. Gossipers are people who do not have the best interests of others at heart. When you find out people are talking about you in an intrusive or inappropriate way, you can address it directly. Since this kind of gossip m." Animesh Agarwal |Social Media Marketer | IG GROWTH | Baniya on Instagram: "It feels pretty awful to have people talk about you behind your back. From gossip columnists to magazines and shows dedicated to scandals and hearsay, he says its no surprise that gossipparticularly the negative, juicy kindpervades our daily life. Then, at the end of your conversation, you can ask for confidentiality: "I'm planning on talking to Mark later about this, so I'd really appreciate if you didn't talk to him about it first. 2. When the pre- and post-evaluation self-esteem scores were compared, there was a statistically significant difference. ", are gossiping about me are saying that I still like him, and my friend told me that him and his friends were making fun of me because she was listening to the conversation but wasn't really talking in it. ", How to Deal With People Talking About You Behind Your Back, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/feeling-it/201612/8-things-to-do-if-youre-the-target-of-hurtful-gossip, https://positivepsychology.com/negative-feedback/, https://psychcentral.com/blog/tips-for-setting-boundaries-at-work, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/working-through-shame/201907/the-toxicity-gossip, https://www.apa.org/topics/healthy-workplaces/work-stress, https://positivepsychology.com/happiness/, https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/self-esteem.html, https://au.reachout.com/articles/10-tips-for-improving-your-self-esteem, https://www.scienceofpeople.com/toxic-people/, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/me-we/201312/10-sources-low-self-esteem, lidiar con la gente que habla a tus espaldas, Lidar com Pessoas que Falam Pelas Suas Costas, , , Damit umgehen wenn hinter deinem Rcken ber dich geredet wird, grer ceux qui mdisent de toi dans ton dos, Omgaan met mensen die achter je rug om over je praten. 1. or "What did you say when they were spreading that rumor?" Heres a closer look at exactly what gossip is, what kind of person tends to engage in the behavior, and how to cope if youre on the receiving end. When you gossip, you're telling your audience you are not one to be trusted: that you can be malicious and don't mind spreading lies. I know that the best thing to do is just ignore and make new friends. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e7\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e7\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/aid363973-v4-728px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"